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LottaLiving.com • "Barthlow!"
Page 1 of 2

"Barthlow!"

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 7:00 am
by sky
Hello. I'm sky, the writer and executive producer of "Barthlow!." This is a story of Joe Barthlow, a crusty but benign architect, presumably Howard Roark by way of Bart Simpson. The setting is present day, but Joe and his friends have their hearts and minds in the mid-20th century. As the characters struggle with everyday life, hilarity often ensues ... at least that's what we told the network executives.

Today, we air two episodes of "Barthlow!," but there are four more in the can, to be presented over the next four days. On behalf of the cast and crew, we thank you for reading. And now, stand by for the first episode of "Barthlow!."

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 7:02 am
by sky
Episode 1: The Thread.

{In Joe's swank pad}

Image I got it.
Image You got what? What have you got?
Image I've got an idea for a new thread.
Image Oh, yeah? What' the thread about?
Image It's about nothing.
Image Nothing?
Image That's right - a thread about nothing. It's brilliant!
Image {Downy fabric softener}
Image We can't do a thread about nothing. Who's going to want to read a thread about nothing? It's got to be about something.
Image No. Nothing. It's a thread about nothing!
Image Hmmm. Well, it could work. A thread about nothing? Hmmm. It just might work!

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 7:06 am
by sky
Episode 2: The Contractor.

{In Joe's swank pad}

Image I got caught.
Image {puzzled} You got caught. What do you mean "you got caught"!?
Image I was waiting for my general contractor. And I was alone. And I was reading "Architectural Digest." And you know ...
Image Oh that! You got caught by your general contractor!
Image {sheepish} Yes.
Image {excited} Then what did you do? What did he do? Come on, tell me everything.
Image I don't want to talk about it. It was very embarrassing.
Image {enters} Hello!
Image Guess what happened to SDR today.
Image {annoyed} How am I supposed to know. Tell me. What happened?
Image Nothing.
Image {Braun ear thermometer}
Image He was alone waiting for his general contractor, and he got caught!
Image What do you mean "he got caught"!? I don't get it.
Image He was alone. He was reading "Architectural Digest." And you know ...
Image GET OUT OF HERE! You got caught {pause} by your general contractor?!
Image Hey - so I sketched some plans for a McMansion - so what? I'm not really going to build one. I was just thinking about how nice it would be to have room to keep all my stuff.
Image Yeah, we all do that; we all wish we had room to keep our stuff; but you got caught {pause} and by your general contractor!

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 2:03 pm
by Joe
OMG!!!

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 2:13 pm
by SDR
Heh-heh. . .[blush]

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 3:56 pm
by Dirt Diva

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 4:21 pm
by JulieB

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 4:23 pm
by sky

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 4:24 pm
by JulieB

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 4:52 pm
by SDR

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 5:00 pm
by SDR

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 8:57 pm
by JulieB

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 8:58 pm
by sky

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 8:59 pm
by JulieB

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 9:46 pm
by Joe
I think it's the show's name. Heck, only my fraternity brothers and scooter club mates call me "Barthlow"

Nobody knows my last name! I need to work on that. Do I change my LL name? We need an ad campaign!

Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 6:36 am
by JulieB

Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 6:39 am
by sky

Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 6:45 am
by sky
Episode 3: The Mailman.

{In Joe's swank pad}

Image {enters suddenly and theatrically, but with aplomb} Hey there!
Image Hello MRU.
Image {busily flipping through "Architectural Digest"} Hey.
Image MRU, you're such a dufus. What's up with that French fry hair avatar? What's modern about French fries?
Image Who you calling a dufus? If anyone is a dufus around here, it's you!
Image No, you're the dufus!
Image I may be a dufus, but at least I'm a swinging hipster dufus, like from the 60s.
Image {Downy fabric softener}
Image {doorbell rings} I'll get it. {opens door}
Image {motionless}
Image {disdainfully} Hello nichols. What do you want?
Image I'm delivering your email. {audience suspends disbelief}
Image Just leave it over there on the counter, please.
Image I can't. {pause} I lost it.
Image You lost my email! Sweet fancy Moses! How could you lose my email?
Image It happens.
Image Can you at least remember who it was from, or what was in the subject line?
Image No, but I can picture it.

Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 7:07 am
by JulieB

Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 11:54 am
by SDR
Bender catching on -- finally. Thank Mom for re-runs!

Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:05 am
by sky
Episode 4: The Quote.

{At the diner}

Image I saw what you wrote to the new guy in the "Mondo Lounge."
Image Yeah. So?
Image Well, I noticed that you replied to his post, but that you didn't quote him.
Image That's right. I didn't quote the newbie. He wasn't quote-worthy.
Image {puzzled} He wasn't quote-worthy?
Image That's right. I can't go quoting every post. I need to read five or six posts by a new guy before I'll even consider quoting them. And that one {pause} wasn't quote-worthy.
Image What about my posts? I've got thousands of posts, and you never quote me.
Image Well, I guess you're just not quote-worthy either.� Pez? {offers Pez dispenser}
Image No thanks. You know, it wouldn't hurt you to quote my posts once in awhile. A lot of people think I am quote-worthy.
Image I'll take one. {pauses to eat Pez} Hmmm. Good. What is it with Pez? You tilt back the head, and out pops a little brick of candy. I wonder why they don't make dispensers like that for other things. You know, like they could make a Frank Lloyd Wright dispenser - you tilt back his head, and out comes a brick.
Image A Frank Lloyd Wright dispenser? That's stupid! Now you're the dufus.
Image No - I think it's a great idea. How about a Bob's Big Boy dispenser? You tilt back the head, and out comes a Big burger ... or a Big salad!
Image {Downey Historical Society}
Image How about a dispenser with a policeman's head, and out comes a donut?
Image I just think you should quote my posts once in a while. Is that too much to ask? Vandalay quotes me all the time.

Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:08 am
by JulieB
You know, sky, I just read the final draft of Episode 6, and I think that one is going to be the best one yet. It's a laugh riot.

The Lotta Living readers just aren't going to believe what happens in Episode 6.!

That's Episode 6 ... on Sunday.

Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:52 am
by Joe
quote-worthy, nice.

where's the lunch tent?

Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 11:42 am
by SDR

Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 7:39 am
by sky
Episode 5: The Futuro Boy.

{In a car driving}

Image {Volvo}
Image The sea was angry that day my friend.
Image Go on, then what happened.
Image You mean before or after the shipwreck?
Image After.
Image We were saved by a Tiki Goddess, and yada, yada, yada, we had a few drinks and went home.
Image That's the story. Yada, yada, yada, and you went home?
Image That's the story. {pause} Where are we going? This isn't the way to Tiki Oasis.
Image I'm going to make a quick stop. There's this sick kid living in a Furturo House. He can't leave the house so, I promised that we'd stop by, play a game or something, and then go to Tiki Oasis.

{In the Futuro House}

Image {playing a game} I know that! The answer is the Richard Neutra.
Image I'm afraid not. The answer is Richard Neutro.
Image Let me see that. {grabs game card} That's a typo! The answer is Neutra. Richard Neutra.
Image I'm afraid not. It says Neutro. The answer is Neutro! No points for you.
Image It's Neutra. I tell you. It's Neutra! {a scuffle ensues}

{pan outside the Futuro House where it's starting to fall off its moorings}
Image

Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 7:59 am
by JulieB

Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 8:59 am
by SDR
Bender going to "water cooler" a little early, today. . .

"If I get drunk enough, they won't recognize me (Hee-hee!)"

Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 9:28 am
by sky
Footnote 1

I forgot to reference the Futuro House mentioned in Episode 5. You can read about it here:

http://www.lottaliving.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=3003

Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 10:38 am
by moderns-r-us

Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 10:47 am
by SDR