Julie B’s Diary

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JulieB
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Julie B’s Diary

Postby JulieB » Sun Sep 10, 2006 1:04 pm

Image Sunday, September 10.

Dear Diary,

It's three months today. I started getting these irresistible cravings - yesterday it was Eames storage units, and today, it's a marshmallow sofa.

Mr. "X"￾ is avoiding me - he hasn't posted on one of my threads since - well, since he knocked me up.

Some good news, though - my doctor took one look at my sonogram, and said that he thought it would be okay if I had a few drinks. In fact, he suggested that I drink heavily.

You're the only one I can talk to, Dairy; I'll try to write you faithfully each week.

As always,
Julie
Last edited by JulieB on Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:48 am, edited 5 times in total.

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JulieB
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Postby JulieB » Wed Sep 13, 2006 6:53 am

Wednesday, September 13.

Dear Diary,

Today, I tried to make a baby bassinette out of ordinary bagels. It came out kind of crummy - I think that idiot Bagels of Steel guy left out a few steps. It reminded me of the time I tried to follow my mother's beef stew recipe and she left out the part about browning the beef.

Still nothing from Mr. "X."￾ It's not that I'm worried about being a single mom - I know I can handle it - but there are so many unknowns that it'ss making me crazy!

Image Like what?

Did you say something?

Image Yes - what are the unknowns?

Well, for one thing, why is my diary writing back to me? This is not in my Lamaze book. I must be insane.

Image What's insane is that you started a diary in the test forum of a message board. Anything that happens after that is perfectly normal - comparatively, anyway.

I suppose.

Image So, what are the unknowns?

Well, like who's going to be my birthing coach?

Image Sky. Next.

Sky is a good friend, but he's such a schlemiel. Can you imagine him keeping rhythm for he-he breathing? I'll suffocate!

Image Come on; he used to be really good at heavy breathing before the phone company came up with *69. Give him a chance.

Okay. But there's no way I'm going to let him drive me to the hospital.

Image Do you want me to call you a cab?

Yes, that would be very nice. Thank you.

Image You're a cab. Next.

What should I write on the birth certificate for the father's name?

Image You put in the father's name, of course. You know who the father is, don't you?

Great! My own diary thinks I'm a naughty girl. Yes, of course I know, but le's just call him Mr. "X."￾

Image WTF! If you can't confide in your diary, then I don't know what.

Hey! This is all new to me. I'll tell you ... next time, maybe.

Image Ain't gonna be no next time, Sweetheart. Toodles.

Hey! Come back here!

Shaving cream. I think this is going to be one long strange pregnancy.

Did I tell you that I'm having twins! I'm hoping that there will be one of each sex, and then I can name them Googie and Googette. Maybe the three of us will make the cover of Vanity Fair!

As always,
Julie

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JulieB
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Postby JulieB » Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:54 am

Saturday, September 16.

Dear Dairy,

Image You wrote "dairy"￾ instead of "diary."￾

Oh? It's you.

Image Yeah - I was just passing by on the crime bus. Kim was pointing out some literary crimes; I saw you were in, so they dropped me off here.

I'm very angry at you! You must be a guy; you just left me last time, just like that - poof!

Image Look - I put your initials on my avatar!

Now I know you're a man. You think that will fix things?

Image You're looking radiant today, Julie B. I think pregnancy suits you.

Thanks. I'm actually starting to feel really well now - strong even.

Thanks for adding the red initials too.

Image They're not red; they're scarlet letters.

Very funny.

Image So, I missed you at the Naughty Bitstail Hour.

You were there?

Image I was lurking. How about you?

Yeah, me too. I love Java's Bachelor Pad music; it really swings!

And I was thinking about buying a smoking jacket for Mr. "X"￾ like Java wears.

Image Yeah - nice jacket. Who shot the couch?

You want a drink or something?

Image Nah. I can't stay; the crime bus is picking me up on the flip-flop. You should come with us - I hear that Tai Kim's Black Dahlia gelato is to die for!

Sounds great, but I have company coming over later.

Image Mr "X"￾?

Could be.

Image Well, I guess Mr "X" is not Java cause he already has a smoking jacket. Hey - there's the bus. Gotta go!

Good bye, or should I say …

As always,
Julie

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JulieB
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Postby JulieB » Mon Sep 18, 2006 9:39 pm

Tuesday, September 19.

Dear Diary,

What's happening to me?

Image What do you mean - besides the pair of scones you got cooking in there?

Yes. No. I don't know. There is the pregnancy, but it's more that that - something very weird.

Image For example?

Yesterday, I was at Sky's house, and I really, really wanted some Ben and Jerry's. Sky said he didn't have any, but I could see it - hiding there behind the hot pockets - a full pint of Chunky Monkey.

Image That is weird - Sky strikes me as more of a Cherry Garcia kind of guy.

No, you don't understand. I never opened the freezer door; I could see the Chunky Monkey right through it!

Image Damn!

Then later, in the bathroom, I willed the toilet seat down.

Image So it's like this pregnancy is giving you super powers.

Yes, exactly! And I feel stronger than an atomic blast!

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JulieB
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Postby JulieB » Mon Sep 18, 2006 9:43 pm

Rounder than a bubble lamp . . . More emotional than a ModCom meeting . . . Able to jump to conclusions on a single whim . . .

Look . . . Coming out of Trader Vics . . . It's a moose . . . It's a blimp . . . No, it's The Pregnant Avenger!

Image

Yes, it's The Pregnant Avenger, strange expectant woman from another mindset, with powers and abilities far beyond those in a family way . . . The Pregnant Avenger, who can change the course of crass developers, save Ray's balls in her bare hands . . . And who disguised as Julie B, temperamental member of a great modern message board, fights a never ending battle for historic preservation, swanky decor, and the mid-century modern way.


Stay tuned for Episode One of "The Adventures of the Pregnant Avenger"￾!

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JulieB
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Postby JulieB » Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:06 am

Episode One

{An office in the Daily Garlic Press Building.}
Image You called for me, Chief?
Image I need you to cover a story, JulieB. They're going to bulldoze Trader Vic's today and it could get ugly.
Image Trader Vic's - oh no - I love that place!
Image Great Schindler's Ghost! You must be objective, JulieB; just report what you see. Take the cub reporter with you. If there's going to be carnage, I want pictures!

{Outside Trader Vics.}
Image This is terrible, Kevin. They're going to tear down Trader Vic's!
Image Isn't that Lex Developer over there? I'm going to get his picture. JulieB? JulieB? Where did she go?

Image Watch me put this bulldozer in gear and raze right through that tired old building!
Image Over my dead pregnant body!
Image WTF?
Image STOP! It's time to put an end to the insane destruction of historic buildings!
Image Get out of the way, Fat Girl. I have the legal right to destroy this building.
Image That may be so, Lex Developer. But do you have a legal right to control the weather!

And so, The Pregnant Avenger exhaled a mighty, frosty breath, and impregnated Trader Vic's in thick layers of bulldozer-proof ice.

Image What happened?
Image Trader Vic's was saved by a . . . by a . . . by a pregnant preservationist with super powers.
Image That wasn't just any pregnant preservationist, Kevin. I know this woman. That was The Pregnant Avenger!

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JulieB
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Postby JulieB » Fri Sep 22, 2006 6:57 am

Episode Two

Somewhere in the Hollywood Hills, little men from the center of the earth mole their way to the surface. Armed with a ray gun, with zap power that turns modern buildings into French provincial, the little men descend into the City of Angels.

Image

{An office in the Daily Garlic Press Building.}
Image JulieB!
Image I already know, Chief; the Capitol Records building has turned French provincial!
Image You’re the only one who can contact The Pregnant Avenger, JulieB. Can you do it?
Image I can try, Chief; I can try.

Police radio: High Alert! High Alert! The mole men have been spotted in the Pacific Palisades. They may be heading towards the Eames house. I repeat: the mole men may be heading toward the Eames house.

{Outside the Eames House}
The mole men point their weapon at the house. Just as they pull the trigger, The Pregnant Avenger appears and takes the full force of the munition in her ample super belly.

Image Toda sua base são pertence a nós. (All your base are belong to us.)
Image Whoa there, little fellow. Please give me some time to assimilate your language.
Image Gostamos de pronicial Francês. (We like French provincial.)

Meanwhile, a mob of angry mod-commers have gathered on a nearby knoll. Armed with sharpened swizzle sticks and cocktail shakers, they make their intention to save the Eames house with force evident.

Image Eu o escoltarei com segurança apoia a seu buraco. (I will escort you safely back to your hole.)
Image Então o que você dizem é "vive sua vida, e nós viveremos o nosso." (So what you're saying is "you live your life, and we'll live ours.")
Image Isso é correto, papai de pinta. (That's right, mole daddy.)

The Pregnant Avenger - once again winning the fight for historic preservation, swanky decor, and the mid-century modern way!

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JulieB
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Postby JulieB » Sun Sep 24, 2006 10:45 am

Episode Three

{The Professor's Lab}
Image Thank you for letting me visit your laboratory, Professor Pepperwinkle. This will make a great story!
Image You're welcome, Kevin. And you're just in time. I'm just about to make my new project come to life!
Image What do you mean "come to life"?
Image I've missed him so much. His golden voice, his magnetic charm ...
Image Who's voice? Who's charm, Professor?
Image Why Frank Sinatra, of course.

{Meanwhile, at the Daily Garlic Press Building.}
Image Great Schindler's Ghost! It's a tsunami!
Image It's nor a tsunami, Chief. My water broke!

{Later, at the hospital}
Image

{Meanwhile, back in the Professor's Lab}
Image Oh no, something has gone horribly wrong!
Image Oh my God ... It's ... It's ... Frankinatra!

Image

The giant crooner tosses Kevin and the Professor aside, as if they were rag dolls, and heads out to the open desert.

{Later, at the Daily Garlic Press Building.}
Image Congratulations, JulieB. I'm sorry I couldn't give you a longer maternity leave.
Image That's all right, Chief. There are historic buildings in jeopardy all over, and someone has to cover the story.

Police radio: The Frankinatra monster is on the loose! He has destroyed the world's largest thermometer, and is traveling west through the Mojave Desert. He is believed to be heading for Las Vegas.

Image Frankinatra! We've got to stop him, or he'll destroy Las Vegas before the developers do!
Image JulieB can you contact The Pregnant Avenger?
Image I have a confession to make, Chief; I'm the Pregnant Avenger!
Image No!
Image Or at least I was the Pregnant Avenger. Now that I'm not pregnant anymore, my super powers are gone.
Image Oh no! Once Frankinatra gets to Las Vegas, there will be nothing left but the strip malls
Image There is one thing we can try, but I'm going to need your help.
Image What? Anything!
Image I need to get pregnant again, and fast!

To be continued . . .

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JulieB
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Postby JulieB » Mon Sep 25, 2006 6:23 am

Monday, September 25.

Dear Diary,

Octuplets! And each one more adorable than I can say. Their names are Fender, Lender, Mender, Pender, Render, Sender, Tender, and Little Elvis. They have their father's optical sockets!

You would think that the birth of homo-robotic octuplets would make the news, but the whole west coast is preoccupied by the prospect an apocalyptical future wrought by the Frankinatra monster.

Image Hey, Julie, guess what.

Oh, hi! Did you see my little darlings?

Image No. Take off your blouse.

No, Silly - I meant the babies.

Image Oh yeah - I saw them. Hey, listen - I have some interesting news about the thread.

What's that?

Image "The Pregnant Avenger"￾ was picked up by MidMod Entertainment. Starting with the conclusion of Episode Three, you're going to be here: http://www.lottaliving.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=7473

What! That's Sky's thread - and he yucked it all up with all that sex stuff. I don't want to go there. I like it in the Test forum. It's very relaxed here, like cable use to be. Tell those network guys to take a hike; I'm staying put in the Test forum.

Image I don't think you have a choice, Julie B. The decision was made by the Lotta Living Entertainment Group. It's either their way, or the cyber highway.

Crap. So, what happens to miniature golf?

Image It's going to be a new thread in the Mondo Lounge?

And this thread?

Image Well, it will stay here as an archive for "The Pregnant Avenger,"￾ and they might use it for flashbacks or something, but basically it becomes just another remnant in the test image graveyard.

Well, I'm not going to stand for it. There's no way I'm going to be The Pregnant Avenger in MidMod Entertainment. Period. Exclamation point!

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JulieB
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Postby JulieB » Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:40 am

Image

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sky
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Postby sky » Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:28 am

I've been trying to repair some of my old story threads for posterity. A lot of them have images that disappeared because I changed photo sites. A lot of them have garbled text from the conversion to the new Lotta Living server. I fixed most of them above.

Here's an interesting observation - I'm pretty sure that Julie B had her octuplets long before the Octomom.


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